Written May 30, 2010

There are an increasing number of suburban children becoming influenced by online underground hip hop artists. Some of these “artists” have even managed to break through into the mainstream with their extremist ideas. Certain venues – primarily, underground clubs that often have open mic freestyle nights once a week – have even turned into physical gathering spots where those with similar minds can congregate.

Ashley Judd, the Director of the Canadian Security Intelligence Agency, states that: “These places become hot beds for new recruits. They gather to listen to rap sermons filled with violent imagery and unfettered aggression against authority figures such as: “Pow Pows” and “Pigs” -- terms coined by radical rappers to describe the police, the enemies of hip hop community.” Recent robberies in Toronto have been linked to individuals who have attended such events. One of the suspects, nicknamed MC Skeet, a frequenter of one of these clubs, had this to say on his Twitter page (apparently referencing something he heard during one of the sermons):

“Yo b, I’ma clap a cap in yo dome, best be done, this ain’t no game, son, I’ll wage war against America, it be how it be begun, dunnnn, seeen! (“MC Skeet – Pants Saggin’ Low for Revolution Mixtape” out soon! cop that!).”

Judd comments that: “These imitations are disturbing as it shows the degree of influence that these rappers have on these young influential minds. Even well-integrated Canadian youths, living in isolated farmlands in Newfoundland that specializes in organic green vegetables, are not immune. All they have to do is type the words HIP HOP and  GATS in Google and materials from these extremist rappers will come up. What they say are attractive to them as it serves to take advantage of their raging hormones. I mean, what 15 year old doesn't want to blast a cap to impress a girl that he likes?" She added that CSIS is currently monitoring over 200 Canadians for possible extremist ties. Despite admitting that their tactics further enrage these youths to respond with even more aggression (as can be seen with some battle tracks posted online by the Free Skeet Now! Coalition), Judd stresses that it is the only way to uproot the "scourge of the tasty organic vegetable of extremist thinking."

According to some Hip Hop organizations, ones that represent the more spiritual aspect of rap music, no suburban children are free from the onslaught of extremism/radicalization with the rise of new and popular converts that preaches the same mentality and angered reading of hip hop sources (ie. “NWA – Straight Outta Compton” – “F--- the Police”). Allan Small, a Texas native, a Hip Hop Youth De-Radicalizer and founder of the Post-Eryka Badu Outkast Hip Hop Foundation, has been working with the authorities to inform them of what kind of things they should watch out for.

Small argues that: "While firebrand rappers can come from anywhere, those that come from Newmarket are far more dangerous. That is because they have a lot more to prove than your average misguided youth. Not only are they angry about what's being done to their brothers and sisters, they are also disenfranchised for their isolation. They feel isolated from the rest of the world because ... well ... let's face it, I was in Newmarket once and I saw a total of two people out for a walk the entire weekend. The only alternative activity is cow tipping. So where do they go next? The internet. They develop what CSIS terms as e-courage. From there, it's just a matter of time until they develop into sleeper cells of their own."

The Post-Eryka Badu Outkast Hip Hop Foundation (PEBOHHF) follows a 5-Step De-Radicalization Program:

i. Who is K'Naan? What does he mean by "Just Like A Waving Flag"?
ii. To show them lyrics from rappers that are laid back and speaks of peace and good conduct.
iii. Who is A Tribe Called Quest? Why do they rap like they're half-asleep?
iv. What is love? Pre-Eryka Badu Outkast or Post-Eryka Badu Outkast?
v. Advocacy: Actively countering extremist ideology through education, public speaking and writing.

Mr. Small has been working with parents who are scared of their children falling prey to these extremist rappers: 'the new gangsta rap cool' -- a sociopolitical term coined by the trusted expert on hip hop music, Pat Robertson, the host of the hit MTV show, The 700 Club. It is a term that is used to categorize some of these young impressionable men who seek to commit criminal acts of terrorism that runs contrary to the teachings of mainstream Hip Hop.

Small has been able to stop the radicalization of various youths that were almost influenced by rappers they heard online and in Much Music Rap City. "I mean, these were kids that were ready to rob a bank because they were told that cars make you cool. If you wanna offer a girl a drank, you betta have money in the bank. So they were ready. These are the bad boys of hip hop. Instead, their families called me and I intervened." According to him, "These few examples prove that there is a problem with youth radicalization and this chosen response work!" He asks that the government should provide the needed funding for these programs and that CSIS should continue working closely with the hip hop community in Toronto, Newfoundland and beyond.

Not everyone in the hip hop community is convinced though. Former Bad Boy Records signee, Jason Taylor (formerly Rayzaface), now a Hasty Market cashier, quipped: "That's the dumbest crap I've ever heard in my life. Why don't they have this program for rock artists who have been promoting drug abuse and suicide for years? Or country artists being general redneck douchebags? Or R&B singers who are pooping out mindless drones after drones of emo teens encouraged to mack on their mom's boyfriend? Where are their programs? What makes us so special?"

Taylor paused for a moment to think of what to say next. He ended the interview by saying, "Look, I listened to two people with women sounding names all my life. Ashley MacIsaac and Alanis Morissette, I was the biggest gangbanger in Jane and Finch, they should get arrested before MC Skeet as far as I'm concerned. I know that dude, he shoplifted some Upper Deck hockey cards last week."

Small disagrees with this opinion and is planning to release a 600-page statement on the matter.

----------------------------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER: This is a fake article, genius.